Finding Calm: What To Do When Motherhood Feels Overwhelming

We’ve all had those days—when we realize we left the food out overnight, the laundry is piling up, the baby won’t stop crying, we haven’t eaten a proper meal, and focusing at work feels impossible. The dishes are stacking up, the tears are welling up, and the frustration builds. You feel angry, moody, snapping at your spouse, raising your voice at the kids. And then comes the numbness—the feeling that life is spinning out of control, that you’re losing yourself, that you just need a break.

This is mommy burnout. Motherhood is tough and overwhelming, especially when you’re in the thick of it. It’s easy to fall into this cycle, not knowing how to pull yourself out.

As a mother, I know these feelings all too well. I’ve felt that exhaustion, that sense of losing myself. And while I’m still learning, I want to remind you—you are not alone. So many moms have been where you are, and I promise, this season won’t last forever. Today, I want to share some thoughts and tools to help you navigate the overwhelming moments and, most importantly, take care of yourself.

What Is Wrong with Me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. You are overwhelmed by everything you have to do, especially with the little support you have. Just like our children have needs that must be met, so do we. Burnout and overwhelm come from having too many unmet needs. These needs include:

• Consuming adequate food and water
• Plenty of mental and physical rest
• Having social connections
• Having support systems
• Opportunities to move our bodies
• Time to engage in hobbies
• Creative outlets
• Intimacy and connection

As parents, we do our best to help our children recognize their emotions and validate what they feel. But we do this so often for others that we rarely do it for ourselves. Take time to acknowledge your own needs and emotions, and validate what you feel. Always seek healthy ways to meet those needs. We’ll talk more about that in a future section.

How Do I Know If It is Burnout, Depression, or Anxiety?

When you’ve reached “mommy burnout,” it can be difficult to tell if you’re simply overwhelmed by responsibilities or if you’re truly experiencing (postpartum) depression or anxiety. Jessica Elliot of DFWChild Magazine shares:

“Burnout crosses into postpartum depression, for instance, when a mother’s daily abilities are severely impaired and she is unable to eat, sleep, and take care of herself. Because depression or anxiety might require different interventions than burnout, it’s important to seek help from a doctor or therapist when symptoms start to interfere with daily life.”

In her book, “Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process”, Sheryl Ziegler shares ways to determine whether you’re dealing with depression or anxiety:

Signs of Depression:

• Engaging in reckless behavior to escape your family and responsibilities
• Experiencing real problems with concentration
• Suffering from frequent headaches or stomachaches
• Having suicidal thoughts or fantasies, such as “disappearing permanently”
• Abandoning your goals completely
• Snapping at people easily and exhibiting little to no patience for your kids or spouse
• Struggling to get out of bed in the morning and fantasizing about sleeping all the time

Signs of Anxiety:

• Feeling preoccupied with something most days of the week and for hours at a time over the past six months
• Experiencing trouble sitting still, fatigue, trouble concentrating, agitation, tight or sore muscles, or difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Dealing with so much worry that it causes significant stress and interferes with daily life

If you recognize yourself in these symptoms, you’re not alone, and help is available. Below is a free assessment you can take to evaluate your burnout level and find ways to take care of yourself:

Parental Burnout Assessment

What Can I Do to Respond to My Needs?

Sometimes, it feels impossible to take care of yourself—I understand that feeling. The first thing to remember is to take ONE step at a time and focus on ONE thing at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself with all the self-care you think you should be doing—that will only lead to burnout. Trust me, it’s not fun.

Below are ways you can start managing your “mommy burnout.” Choose one, then build from there.

1. Prioritize Self-Care

Take care of your emotional well-being, not just distract yourself. Find activities that truly help you heal—mind, body, and soul. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; simple things like taking a bath, going for a walk, reading, meditating, or just breathing fresh air outside can make a difference. Don’t overcomplicate it. Find something that helps you stress less.

2. Brain Dump

Sometimes, it helps to get everything out of your head. Grab a journal or digital sketchpad and write down all your thoughts and emotions. Then, if it helps, rip out the page and shred it—or hit the delete button. Releasing those burdens can feel incredibly freeing.

3. Go Outside

Stepping outside is a simple but powerful way to reset. Whether it’s a sunny day or a calming rainstorm, being in nature can rejuvenate your mind. Plus, it’s a great way to help your kids burn off energy while you recharge.

4. Do a Digital/Social Media Detox

Social media can be a great tool, but it can also be a source of stress. The “perfect” moms, the endless parenting advice, the pressure to have a flawless home, kids, and life—it can be too much. Do yourself a favor: put it down. I challenge you to unplug for a full day, maybe even a weekend. See how much more time and mental space you have for yourself and your family.

5. Make Time for Hobbies and Creativity

We are meant to create, play, and have fun! Find hobbies that bring you joy, whether alone, with a partner, or with friends. Writing, pickleball, jogging, painting, baking sourdough—whatever sparks joy. Make it fun and make it yours.

6. Clear Your Calendar & Learn to Say No

Look at your schedule. What’s overwhelming you? What isn’t serving you or your family? Cancel it. Plan a day where you do absolutely nothing—no chores, no work, just time to relax. Learn to say no to things that drain you, but also recognize when it’s meaningful to say yes. That way, your yes actually means something.

7. Ask for Help—And Accept It!

This one is hard, but so necessary. Whether it’s getting a break from the kids, help with chores, or just someone to talk to—ask. And when help is offered, accept it. You don’t have to do everything alone.

8. Connect with Others

One of the biggest causes of stress and anxiety? Loneliness. Motherhood can feel isolating, and it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind. Prioritize connection—whether it’s a coffee/soda date, a phone call, or even just a Marco Polo message. Having a support system can be a lifesaver.

9. Identify How You Respond to Stress and Make a Plan

Pay attention to how you react to stress. Do you:

• Fight (anger, irritability, agitation)?
• Flight (tuning out, escaping with TV or your phone)?
• Freeze (feeling paralyzed and unable to act)?

Once you recognize your pattern, create a plan to handle stress in a healthy way.

10. Drop the Mom Guilt

It’s so easy to feel guilty for taking time for yourself. (I’m so guilty of this one!) But don’t. You need this time. A healthy, happy mom benefits everyone, including your baby and your family. You matter.

Final Thoughts

These tools are here to help you, not overwhelm you. Start with one thing at a time and build from there. Just know—you’re not alone in this. Everything will work out. You are so important.

At The Utah Birth Place, we love providing activities where you can escape, recharge, and take time for YOU! Check out our events for self-care activities. We also partner with Maternal Massage, which has a room in our birth center. Schedule your self-care today!